Falling Behind.

It’s been a while, but I’ve been busy. I’m sorry I haven’t been able to give you all updates of what’s been going on with the process for Bloody Notes. Sad to say, I did not meet my original deadline due to complications…

cover3-2You see, originally, I wanted to get the cover made up and ready at the beginning of December to get it out for Christmas, but then I had an idea for a beautiful cover that involved an actual model as Vanessa from one of the scenes in the book. The original cover design was scrapped and work started on a dress for Vanessa’s Christmas outfit. I had an image I had from one of my fashion books that was a heavy inspiration for the dress, so it was a matter of trying to recreate the dress.

15724534_1192031900874091_2340067722072127302_oFinding fabric was a little difficult. I fell in love with one fabric at Colorado Fabrics that was an upholstery fabric, but it was about a yard short of what I wanted to purchase, for the shear fact that it was a patterned fabric and I wanted to make sure it blended all the way through. I found a backup fabric that wasn’t exactly what I wanted, but it worked for what I needed, and there were two nearly full roles of it.

15731987_1192031634207451_3593333991270873439_oI started on it, got the top part of the dress nearly finished except for adding the zipper, and moved onto the skirt while I waited to have time with fitting help. The skirt looks ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS. I can’t even begin to describe how much I love this skirt. Every time I look at it in the apartment on the dress form, I want to go over and pet at it because it’s just perfect. It has the most lovely bustle I have ever made.

I went back to the bodice to put the zipper in, and found that even though my prototype pattern had about two extra inches in the back, suddenly my final version had an inch wide gap right down the middle where the zipper was supposed to go. It didn’t fit. And the straps were suddenly too short. So somewhere along the transition from the thin prototype fabric to the heavier upholstery fabric, it didn’t translate well. The thicker fabric added just enough to the seams somehow in a way that is difficult to translate into words, that it didn’t work out. So I had to recreate the pattern for the bodice.

My boyfriend and I at the NDK:NYE ball as the 11th Doctor and a Victorian companion.
My boyfriend and I at the NDK:NYE ball as the 11th Doctor and a Victorian companion.

The problem was… At this point, I was hoping to have the dress done by the end of the year. After the original cover idea was scraped, I was hoping to have the book out by the end of the year. It was getting too close to the end of the year, and I was praying to just get it done in time for the Nan Desu Kan New Year’s Eve ball. It was a couple days before that I found out things didn’t work. I had no back up plan in mind. So I had no time to work on the dress, I knew I wouldn’t have enough time to work on it and get it ready. I pulled out every elegant outfit that I had in my cosplay closet in an attempt to find a back-up and had several ideas. I even broke down crying at one point during trying some of the old costumes on, but that’s a whole other story…

But I was still so upset with myself for not getting the dress done in time. I kept telling myself I could do it. But I couldn’t… and I have never been more frustrated with myself. I’ve had to give up on projects part way through for one reason or another before. But it was my choice and there was no one who needed it done by a certain date or anything. This is a bigger deal and I feel like I let people down…

Now that the new year has started, I’ve taken a few days to recuperate from my emotional low and think about how I’m going to do this, and how I’m going to get it photographed for the cover, what I’m going to do to promote the book. I’m still a mess of anxiety and scared to death that this will be one of the biggest busts that I’ve ever had.

A small white and purple Kraken wrapped around a dark purple stone that I made for my boyfriend’s mom.

On the up side… I’ve finally gotten my paypal set up and working properly! Which means I can FINALLY set up my etsy shop. For the last couple months, I’ve had people complimenting my boyfriend’s Kraken necklace that I had made. I’ve made a couple other variations and other tentacle wrapped stones for necklaces that I want to sell.

Through all of this though, I need to thank my boyfriend, Jon. He’s been beside me this whole time, helping me, wanting to learn what I’m doing and how I’m doing it, and encouraging and holding me when I start to get frustrated with how things are going. Even being there for me when I don’t feel like doing anything because I’m so upset with myself. I don’t know where I’d be without him.


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